Tuesday, 2 February 2010

The story of my ex husband and the suffering I went through

I feel to write about my daughters father tonight (my ex husband) as he annoys me so much and is such a terrible father that he deserves his own exposure post. I know airing dirty washing in public is not a good thing, but its about time I put the story into words.

It may all seem like a fairytale to those that read it but as Allah is my witness it is alllllll true.

I think one of the biggest mistakes of my life was marrying my ex husband, however despite it being a terrible marraige I did get blessed with my daughter Imane which I thank Allah for.

I met my ex husband in Feb 2003, he told me everything I wanted to hear, I married him March 2003, got pregnant with Imane 2 weeks later then realised what a slimeball he really was.
I think I first realised this just after I got a positive pregnancy test. At the time he was living in Abu Dhabi in his staff apartment and I was still living in my home in Ajman.
After a weekend with me he accidently left his hotmail email open which I noticed after he left, so for some reason I decided to just check it out.

I found tons of emails from women all over the world which were in reply to emails he had sent them most of which were sent from about 3 days after our wedding. In all of them he was proposing marraige and in some he had even sent a photograph of his Penis.
Now after reading through all those emails it suddenly dawned on me, that this guy had probably married me in the hope of eventually getting my citizenship and moving to the UK, as all the women he had contacted were European/American/Canadian etc.

I did not say anything to him but I did go to the court to see if I could get divorced, which they refused because I was pregnant. Eventually I tackled him about these emails and he swore they were sent before he met me (he was lying through his teeth) and he swore he would never do anything to hurt or cheat me (again lying through his teeth, I dont know how he dared get on his prayer mat after that.
So I decided there was nothing else I could do but do my best in the marraige and do what I had to do after my child was born.

A month into the pregnancy I began to bleed and the doctors put me on bedrest for 3 months. At the time I was running a successful online graphic business and making good money. However to make my money I had to sit at my computer up to 18 hours a day and of course I could not do this due to the bedrest. So my ex husband was totally horrified to realise he would have to financially looking after me and he HATED THAT and he hated me for not bringing money into the home.
We had a lot of fights, especially as I found he was still chatting with women on the net, emailing them and getting text messeges from strange women. One day when I confronted him yet again he actually beat me (I was almost 3 months pregnant).

My ex husband then hatched a plan with his sister who lives in Geneva Switzerland, to send me there to stay until the baby was born and he would join me later. What I was told about this situation was that I would live with his sister and her husband, that I would have my own bedroom, a computer for my own use so I could if able run my business. His sister also said she wanted me to look after her kids while she worked and she would pay me. I would have health insurance and they were buying me loads of new clothes so not to bring any of my khaleeji stuff with me.

I agreed to go, thinking that after I had saved up for a few months I could flee to the UK and give birth there and then divorce him. Just before I flew to Geneva my ex ripped apart my home in Ajman and everything was sold, him and his friends helped themselves to anything that could not be sold and believe it or not HE kept the money and said he was using it to pay my airfare and expences.

However the reality when I arrived in Geneva was horrifying.
I was shown into a tiny room that appeared to be her husbands office, inside was a very very old sofa bed (looked like an antique) with no sheets or blankets or pillows. She threw down one white sheet for me and that was all. There was a computer but I was told I could not use it.
I then found out there were no clothes for me, no job as promised looking after her kids and everything I had been told was lies.
The first night there I cried myself to sleep, I covered myself with the white sheet and used the cushions as pillows.
In the morning the nanny they employed to look after the kids gave me a proper pillow but each day it mysteriously dissapeared. Even the remote control for the tiny tv in the room dissapeared so I could not watch it.
I wont go into everything that happened but basically they said my ex husband had lied to me about the job, room etc and he forced me on them and my ex husband claims they were the liars. To be honest at that point I did not care, and it was begining to dawn on me that the entire family was not normal.

After being there 5 weeks I had a huge fight with my sister-in-law and her husband about being brought to switzerland without any health insurance and I demanded they take me to a doctor to be checked considering I had spent the past 3 months on bedrest. Khadeeja my sister-in-law finally agreed and it was when I had the scan that they found out I had complete placenta previa.

Considering this pregnancy complication was so dangerous and very life threatening they demanded I be sent back to Abu Dhabi. So a week later my ex husband bought me the cheapest flight he could lay his hands on and I flew Geneva to Istanbul and then had to sit in Istanbul airport with no money for over 5 hours on a hard chair praying I did not have a massive bleed until my flight was ready to fly back to UAE.
When I arrived I stood outside the airport for 45 minutes looking for my ex husband, he finally showed up and took me home.
Things were strained but I did my best just to cope with it. I managed to call "O" and my best friend and told them what happened and they promised to call me daily to ensure I was safe.

2 Weeks later while serving up my ex's dinner I felt like I had peed'ed my pants, I rushed to the bathroom and as I got up from the loo blood just gushed out of me with such force that it was splashing up the walls. I screamed for my ex and he almost passed out when he saw how much I was loosing. I rammed two bathsheets between my legs and his friend flagged down a taxi and we rushed from Mussafa to the Al Corniche hospital.

As soon as I walked into the hospital they could see I was in serious trouble and rushed me straight through to be seen. I remember the nurse who put me on the bed totally freaking out and screaming down the hall for a doctor to get in the room quick as the blood just would not stop. Within minutes I had an IV line in and was rushed up to the labour and delivery section and was surrounded by about 4 doctors all trying to get the bleeding to stop.
They told me that they were going to have to deliver my baby to save my life and she probably would not make it as she was a day off being 24 weeks gestation.
I remember crying and crying and begging them not to give me a C Section, to wait a little and see if the blood would stop. I dont know how I convinced them but they agreed to wait it out for an hour. The blood loss was monitored and thanks Allah it began to slow down.
My ex husband was no help at all, all he was worrying about was going home to sleep as he had work in the morning so I told him to go and I spent the rest of the night on the phone to my best friend for moral support.

In the early hours of the morning I was still bleeding but a transfusion was able to keep me stable and to prevent the section I was so desperate to avoid. One of the doctors came to see me and told me there was absolutly no way I was going to be able to go home. They had made the decision to keep me in Al Corniche hospital until I delivered my baby. Not just because of the problem I had and the likelyhood I would suffer another massive bleed but also they felt just from what they had seen of my ex husband that night that he could not be trusted to ensure I was safe and cared for and get me to the hospital in time to save the life of my baby and I in the event of another big bleed.

In the morning I was moved down to Ward B and put in a room with another women. My husband did not visit me again until about 2 days later. Just after they moved me to Ward B I received a phone call from a Bahraini friend of mine who also lives in Abudhabi, he had heared I was back in UAE and called to tell me some news.
I told him that I was in hospital and told him about the terrible trip to Switzerland and he then told me he had seen my husband in one of the shopping malls with two chinese women who he imagined to be prostitutes and he had followed them until they all went into a hotel very near my hospital. I knew Yassin was telling me the truth as the weekend he was talking about was the weekend my husband said he was going to stay in a hotel so he could use the pool etc with one of his male friends.

After the second day I was moved to Ward A and that is where I stayed until I finally delivered Imane at 36 weeks. I became such a well known patient and every single nurse and doctor who looked after me detested my ex husband with a vengance. I spent almost 4 months in Al Corniche and despite living just 30 mins away my ex visited me just once a week for 20 minutes. In all that time he left not one single dirham with me and through friends I found out his cheating ways continued.
The month before Imane was born my mother died, she had cancer and my ex did not even bother to come and visit me that day despite knowing how devistated I was. Luckily I had all the hospital staff comforting me.
On the day of my C Section (they were hoping to get me to 38 weeks but I went into labour so had to have the section early), my ex husband even failed to turn up to walk me down to the operating theatre. He finally showed up about 40 minutes late.

The day after my C Section (it was a long one as they found I also had placenta accreta and they had to literally cut my placenta out of my uterous as it started growing through), I was helped out of bed to have a shower and my ex husband jumped onto the bed and just layed there relaxing. When I got out of the bathroom I had to sit on a hard chair as he did not think to let me get back into bed. Finally a nurse came in and told him to get himself out of the bed and that she had never met such a selfish man in her life.

I came out of hospital 5 days later and just before I went home one of the doctors told me if I did not feel to go home they would arrange something so I could stay longer as they knew life was not going to be easy once I got home.

When we were leaving, my ex told me he had given the hospital my passport as security as he had not paid my hospital bill (I just could not believe this). In the end I ended up paying my own bill so I could get my passport back.
When I arrived back to his staff apartment he told me he had put Imane and I into the other bedroom. I walked in and it was a mess. He had set Imanes cot up but in a pile in one corner was weeks of dirty washing and his ironing. I was then left alone, very sore and trying to cope with a new born all alone.
I felt like I wanted to end everything, my life at that point was the lowest it had ever been and I talked a lot to Allah about how a muslim can be so bad to his wife.
Anyway to cut it short now, I was left day after day without even 1 dirham, not even to call a taxi if Imane got sick. At night when I got up to make a night feed for Imane (stress had caused my milk flow to be non existant)

Will write more tommorow insha allah, its late now.


Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

omgg , you cannot imagine how wide my eyes are, what is wrong with some people, from writing this im guessing you are now free of him, may Allah protect you always sister, i dont understand how some people can be soo damn cruel its flaming inhumane omg,im happy you was a muslim before the stupid retard because idiots like that can make people question sometimes islam, especially reverts , im also glad you are back in the UK, may your life only get better and your iman only increase inshallah
your sister in islam
naz :)x

Aalia said...

Ya Allah... Same with Naz -- my eyes were getting bigger and bigger like WTF is that guy's problem???? Honestly LouLou if I was u I would GET OUT THE FIRST TIME I CAUGHT HIS LYIN' @SS. Or the minute he beat me. Wallah!!! Mashaa'Allah u r a strong woman and i can't believe they wudn't give u a divorce... I wudda left anyways like CYA LOSER.

Waiting to

Twizzle said...

as-salaam aleikum

Subhanallah its disgusting how some men can treat people!! I just read through all 3 parts of your story but I am leaving now so I will comment later.

Alhamdulillah you are out of that situation now!!

NoortheNinjabi said...

SubhanaAllah...I'm just reading the first one now, but may Allah SWT reward you for all of your suffering and may He allow you to take all of your ex-husband's hasanat on the Last Day, as he has totally broken the Laws that we are commanded to abide by. SubhanaAllah.

Anonymous said...

SubhanAllah!!, this is what i call a story i had soo much expressions on my face.
May Allah reward you like the sister said, to this suffering you witnessed, its sooo sad a person you thought to be our soul mate could do such a thing.....


Anonymous said...

I went through a very similar situation with my ex (child's father). It is very hard to get through experirnces like that. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

i know your pain i went though almost the same thing. i to could not give milk do to the stresses that my ex had forced me into, and all his cheating. i am happy to be alone now and i dont trust any man. i will never marry again. i have my kids and it's all i want in my life.

Anonymous said...

Allah Protect You And Imane and Inshallah he will bless you for a wonderful life .Ameen

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