Thursday, 26 May 2011

Deceitful Men

I was reading a really good post on an online friends blog about men who lie and are deceitful to women to try to get a woman to marry them.

I decided to share some of the deceitful and time wasting men who asked me for marraige when I first became a muslim, one of which I actually married.

Not many people know about my first Islamic marraige, its not something I have ever wished to make public knowledge. I guess in reality it caused me so much shame, I kept the story hidden away, but decided to share it today.

Deceitful Man # One
When I converted to Islam way back in 1999, I lived with a local family (husband was local, wife was Pakistani from a very prominant Pakistani Family (her father is Pir Pagara http://www.pirpagara.com/). I decided that I wanted to complete my deen in Islam and get married. I had quite a few people ask for me and one of which was a Qatari man who told me his name was Thamer. He flew over from Qatar to meet me and proposed marraige. He worked for Al Jazeera TV and had a very high position. I agreed to marry him and with the help of the family I lived with it was decided that we would fly to Karachi and have our marraige performed at the beautiful house of Pir Pagara's daughter. Because "Thamer" wanted to get married quickly, the family I lived with did not fly over with us, however the driver and servants were there to meet us and take us to the house and some Pakistani friends also came to the house to be witnesses.
Two weeks before the wedding "Thamer" sent me 5,000 dirhams to buy a ring and whatever else I needed, so I bought a very expensive abaya from Burjuman (cost almost 3,000 dirhams) and my wedding ring plus extra money for the deposit and 3 months rent in advance for a villa on Ajman Corniche where I decided I wanted to live so I could be close to my best friend Fay while "Thamer was in Qatar and overseas with Al Jazeera.
Anyway we flew to Karachi (first class) and the Imam's came to the house and we were married. Unknown to me was the fact that "Thamer" had set my mahr at $1. I was a new muslim and did not know that someone was supposed to ask me what I wanted or tell me what was in the contract.
We then got driven to one of Karachi's top hotels and stayed in a beautiful suite for the night.
On my wedding night, I felt so uneasy as "Thamer" kept dissapearing into the bathroom with his phone, I dont know why but it just made me feel uneasy.
The next day we flew back to Dubai, again First Class and were met at Dubai airport by a limosine. I told Thamer we had to go to the farm in Alawir as all the family and my local friends wanted to congratulate us and I know they had laid on a huge feast and Omran had ordered a sheep to be slaughtered in our honor. "Thamer seemed annoyed at this and was very reluctant for us to go, which again I found very unseasy and strange. I insisted and told him it would be such bad manners especially as this family had looked after me for a long time and treated me as one of the family. We reached the farm and everyone was waiting to greet us. I got showered with gifts of gold and clothes and we ended up staying for a couple of hours only.

I then took my car and drove us towards the Kapinski Hotel where we had a suite booked for one night as "Thamer" had told me before the wedding that he would have to leave the third day for business in Sudan.
As we drove towards the Corniche I suggested we stop at our new villa so he could take a look. He refused and said he would look once he came back from his trip (again I found this so uneasy and strange). We continued onto the Kapinski and stayed the night.
Next morning I drove "Thamer" to Dubai airport and dropped him for his flight and he said he would call me later and hoped to be back in a week or two.

That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to "Thamer" again.
4 Days went past with no phone call or contact, I was deeply upset, I thought something terrible had happened. I tried to call him but his phone was switched off. I was still living with the family during this time as was waiting for Thamer to return so we could furnish the villa and move in.

7 Days after my wedding, the husband of the local family I lived with came home from his company and told me to sit with him. He told me "Thamer" had called him at the office and told him he could no longer be married to me because his wife had found out he had taken another wife (apparently he already had a wife and 4 children), he told my friend that he had sent me 20,000 dirhams to an exchange house and I could collect it that day and it was his way of saying sorry, then he closed the phone.
I was totally devistated, not only devistated I was so ashamed, what would everyone think. Oh the shame, it was the most awful time of my life.
I was also really angry but the family told me to keep my head held high and sent me out to collect the money he had sent.

I collected the money and decided to use it to buy furniture for the villa he had made me rent and to move into it and then try to find a way to pay the rest of the rent for the year.
So the next few weeks were spent on endless trips to Ikea and finally I moved into the little villa and decided that as I had done nothing wrong I had nothing to really be ashamed of.
3 months after the wedding I recieved and email from a lawyer in Dubai telling me I was being divorced and I had to call him so he could tell me when the case would be heared at Ajman Sharia Court. I called the lawyer and demanded to know why "Thamer" had done this to me. He refused to answer and said it would be discussed at the court.

The day of the Divorce came and my best friends local husband Jamal came to the court with me. "Thamer" was not there, only his lawyer and he put the case before the judge. The judge listened and then turned to me, I just burst into tears. It was all performed in arabic with Jamal as my translator. The judge was totally horrified by the entire case, he was disgusted that "Thamer" who I found out during the divorce hearing was actually called "Adulaziz" (so he lied to me about his name) could not even bother attending to face me and had given power over to his lawyer to act on his behalf, he was disgusted that a born muslim man could knowingly take a new muslim and treat her in such a way and he was disgusted because he could tell that this marraige was never meant to be for life, it was obvious to him "Thamer" had taken me as a wife just to spend a lustful time with and he felt he knew this because my mahr had been set at $1.

The judge granted the divorce, however he told the lawyer that before it was granted "Thamer" had to agree to pay rent in full on the villa for one entire year and to give me an additional 5,000 dirhams ontop of the 20,000 dirhams he had given me previously as a kind of payoff.

So for 2 nights with this deceitful man I got a villa for one year and 25,000 dirhams, made me feel a bit like a high class hooker to be honest.
Funny thing is, 2 years later I was sitting having coffee with an old Qatari friend of mine who I had not seen for 3 years and I told him the story of my marraige and he looked shocked and said "Oh my God, so your the girl Abdulaziz married", he then told me he knew my ex husband and told me that he had been married at 16 to his cousin, and because he was devout (haha) he could not cheat on his wife or on the rules of Islam, so he searched out a new muslim, to marry her, to enjoy for the weekend and then get divorced so sex was not haram. Sadly for me, he chose ME.
So that is the story I have kept hidden for years and from so many people.

Deceitful Man # Two
Well after Deceitful Man # One experience I decided to be careful. I met a local called Taha (if I was a Biotch I would state his surname here for all to see, but I wont do that incase his American wife is a blog reader.
I met Taha and we used to speak on the phone many times a day, we met a few times and he wanted to take things further. He told me he had never been married but wanted to settle down and have kids. He worked for the UAE Army and one day he told me they were posting him to Cyprus for training for 8 months and I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him to return ie: not talk to anyone else about marraige etc.
Taha told me "Yes" he really wanted that and we promised to keep intouch via email while he was away and I would keep myself for him until he returned and then we would decide what to do.
So he apparently left for Cyprus and I used to email each day letting him know what I was up to etc, he did email also but only about 2 times a week. After 4 months I began to get a little bored of waiting but as I had promised him, I continued to keep myself for him and not talk to anyone else who asked about marraige. About 7 months after he supposedly left UAE I went to call a friend on my mobile and accidently hit his number instead. He answered the phone and as soon as I recognised his voice I asked him "When did you come back", he closed the phone on me. Then he called me back and said he had arrived the night before and wanted to suprise me.
We agreed to meet the following day in the car park of Al Mulla Plaza (Taha is from Abu Dhabi). When we met, Taha said he had something to tell me, he had lied about being in Cyprus and had been in UAE all this time, he just wanted to know I was dedicated.
I was so upset and angry but because I am too soft for my own good I forgave him.
After this episode, more strange things happened. Once he wanted me to drive to meet him in Abu Dhabi and when I was on my way he texted me to tell me a load of his family had been killed in a car crash and he could not meet me (I had reached Abu Dhabi by the time I actually looked at the messege) so I had to drive all the way back to Ajman again.
I began to really get annoyed now, there was nothing on the news about and entire family from Abu Dhabi being wiped out in a car crash and I began to realise this guy had a serious problem which involved lying. So I just stopped contact and tried to put the yet again almost 1 year of wasted life behind me. It was the upset and anger at this latest liar that I ended up rushing into marraige with Imanes father (if you have read my blog you will know how nasty he turned out to be).

Rolling on a year and a bit I had just given birth to Imane and was at home in Abu Dhabi where I was then living, I had just fed Imane and it was about 4am in the morning when my mobile rang. I answered and it was Taha, he sounded drunk and he began to ask how I was. I told him I had married and just 10 days before given birth to my daughter. He then began to talk really haram, telling me he wished he had Fxxxed me back then, he really regreted not doing that as I turned him on and how he knows I really need his "Mr Pecker". I told him he wasted a year of my life, that I had just given birth and how dare he call me and talk filth at 4am and then closed the phone.
Next day I got another call on my mobile from a woman with an American accent, she demanded to know who I was and why the hell was I talking to he husband. I then realised this snake was a married man, not only deceiving me but cheating on his wife not physically but almost as bad. I could of told his wife A-Z but I politly told her Taha was an old friend, that I was married and had given birth just 10 days prior and Taha had called to congratulate me. After I closed the phone I realised the kids he used to put on the phone to talk to me claiming they were his brothers kids were actually his own.
Why the heck would a sane man make a woman be faithful and wait for him for no reason, maybe he enjoyed the thought of this, who knows what was in his warped mind.
When I came back to UK in 2004 I once wrote to Taha and asked him why he lied, and told him his wife had called me that night and why he denied her existance thus lying to not one but two people and his kids. He did write back but did not answer my questions, just wrote about how he was blah blah blah.

So there you have it. Men can be deceitful I have experienced it and it is not only totally haram but the worst thing to have to have done to you. I pray to Allah that no one goes through what I did. I was stupid in reality to believe everything I was told. Omran offered to run background checks on anyone I talked to as he had the means to find out A-Z about anyone due to him working for interpol but I told him to butt his nose out of my business and its the silliest thing I ever did as I could have saved myself a lot of pain and shame.

4 comments:

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

Ackkkkkkk what a bunch of skeezy men!! It's so disgusting how they search out new Muslim women, thinking we are weak and have no support or back-up and then take advantage of the situation. Subhan Allah. Well, what goes around comes around so they're gonna get theirs in the end!!!!!

Dust n Roses said...

Louise, I really appreciate ur blog SO MUCH! I just moved part time to dubai, so I love the old stories, but beyond that thank you for ur always honest posts, i really appreciate your stories and have learned from them as well...

Anonymous said...

We, women are decieved and used by cheaters and liars for their own selfish ulterior motives. I can relate so well to the blogs here, as I have been thru similar situations twice too. Women tend to be taken as emotional beings because of their loving and caring nature, infact have to face betrayal, ruthlessness & deciet. May Allah bless us all and let good God fearing men come accross.

Anonymous said...

SubhanAllah ya Rabb. What a horrible thing. How the heck do this men sleep at night, don't they have ANY fear of Allah? SubhanAllah on top of that they are muslims la quwwata ila billah. You know what sisters, don't depend on any men to make you happy. Sort yourselves out and build a strong relationship with your Creator and look for good practicing muslims who prays 5x a day, doesn't visit dodgy places, don't mingle freely with women (even with you)... Wallahi this is what I've learnt. Alhamdulilla I fixed myself before it was to late, I stayed away from all haram things and had my principles, no dating, no dodgy talks, no flirting alhamdulillaaa my principles found me an amazing man alhamdulillaaaa wa mashaa'Allah he prays 5x a day in the mosque, he obeys Allah in everything he does, he doesn't watch all the munkaar on tv he wouldn't even really look at other women alhamdillaa and he's not doing it because of me but because he Fears Allah. We are together everyday, he doesn't go out with his friends much, maybe once/twice a month but very rarely. الحمد لله we enjoy each other's company. Alhamdulillaaaaaah is all I can say!

So ladies, have your principles and we're less likely to find as*ho**s because when you have it, the guys who will come around are those who will respect and accept you the way you are. And what you want to look for is a man who wants to take you to jannah not drag you to hell. Be strict with yourself first and foremost and learn more about the deen. Join alhuda sisters, they are amazing. Google them!

Much love xxxxxx

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Louise
Brighton, East Sussex, United Kingdom
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