Wednesday, 26 January 2011

My Daughter

I suffer domestic violence from my 7 year old daughter.
Its a hard thing to admit, but my daughter beats me on a regular basis. Just this weekend, she punched me in the side of my forehead like a man. The punch was so hard it left a lump and bruise as well as scratching my face and ripping my hands to shreds all because I made her come home from playing outside at 4pm when it was about to get dark.

She has been violent for over a year now, not only violence but she also smashes up the house, picking up dining chairs and throwing them across the room. She uses the most disgusting language, spits and is just totally hateful, to ME only.

We have no idea what is causing her to get so angry and lash out so violently. Looking back since she was a toddler and how she is now, she ticks all the boxes for two mental health disorders.
1) Oppositional defiant disorder
2) Pathalogical demand avoidance syndrome
She fits the second one to a "T" including obsessiveness and all the other things that match the symptoms of the syndrome.

She is getting 3 referals, one to a development center where they will aim to get to the bottom of her violence and try to diagnose if she does have the 2 above or something else, such as a hormonal inbalance etc.

On top of all that my daughter may possibly have Gender Dysphoria (AKA Gender Identity Disorder).
For the past 3 years my daughter has wanted to be a boy, she dresses like a boy, refuses to wear girls clothes, has her hair short since last summer and has cut it herself when it grows (we have had to hide all scissors etc). She tells people she is a boy, cries sometimes in the bath begging me not to let her get breasts when she is older otherwise she will cut them off. Tells me all the time she is going to grow a penis when she is older, talks to me about sex change (we have no idea how she even knows about this), gets angry with me because she blames me for making her a girl. It is all so very very sad.
She is now being referred to a famous clinic in London called Tavistock Gender Clinic which deals with children who have Gender Identity confusion, hopefully they can find out whether she actually is mentally a male but physically female, whether something triggered her mentally to despise being a girl (possible, because this all began after I last took her to Zurich to visit her skank of a father, who despite not seeing her for 2 years spent all his time playing with his new son).
The medical person I spoke to yesterday who is putting forward all the referals for my daughter, says one of the reasons Imane may be so violent to me is because of her gender confusion, as though she hates me and blames me for giving her a female body.

As a muslim I worry about my daughter, the gender issue is something I just dont know how I am going to deal with. Whatever the results at the end show, I will love my daughter, nothing changes. But for her as a muslim, what will her future be??? This is what breaks my heart.

The violence makes me physically ill, it is getting worse, my husband and I are worried one day in a rage she will pick up a knife and stab me...but I can deal with this, its the fact maybe she is suffering dreadfully because she was born in the wrong body.
I wanted to share this on my blog because maybe someone out there has gone through this themselves or is going through it right now. I could do with some advice and could do with some prayers.

May Allah bless my daughter always and show us the right way to deal with this. All I want is for my daughter to be happy, to be who she should be and not so angry.


meg said...

I have several friends who have gender identity disorder. While neither me or them are Muslims, many of them have had problems with their faith (Christianity) due to this. I understand that it is a sin to dress in male clothes as a female, but I ask you to just understand that perhaps your daughter has the mind of a male that is stuck in a body of a female. With hormones (and at such a young age) her physical body can change into what her mind feels she should look like, and no one will ever be able to tell the difference from just looking at her on the street. She is still a wonderful gift from Allah to you, but her gift wrap may still be coming off. I will keep you in my thoughts, and hope that you and your daughter can work through this and not lose hope or faith. Everything works out best in the end.

UmmKhaled said...

Awwwww so sad! I am really sory you are going through with this and I am happy to ehar that there is help coming your way! I hope Inshaallah everything turns out well. I don't have any advice but I am here for you :)

Anonymous said...

many islamic countries, like iran, recgonize this medical issue and even allow gender surgery. i wish you the best and you are in my duas.

Anonymous said...

May Allah bless your daughter and help you and her in this issue. Amin.

Anonymous said...

if your daughter started this after her visit with her father that she has not seen in two years, well, that is her problem that she is showing you. her father gets to go home with his other child (son) and she goes home to you. maybe she hurts badly because of that. think on that. you could be causing the problem to escalate and never heal. she is torn between you and her father, and she is hurting badly. this will never end until you and the ex fix yourselves. you can label her all you want (your the parent) with all your psycho analysis words to justify your problem. not to mention she has to live with a man not her father, and see you with him. she seems like a highly intelligent child to understand her life at the moment. she just can't do anything about it, and she gives you what she sees and feels. i do hope the situation gets a lot better for all of you.

Sarah Muhammad said...

im so sorry.. I hope that she finds a way to be truly happy. Just to let you know, theres nothing wrong with being a masculine girl, as long as she knows that she is a girl. There could be some outer issues that are making her aggresive which can be fixed i assure you.. but you need to identify whats making her angry because its not herself. also.. let her be a boyish girl. theres nothing wrong with that but educate her about Islam at the same times, so that when she grows older, she knows her boundries. I hope i have helped you in some way.

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and i haven't finished because i started from the very beginning, but all i wanted to say is that you should try to take her again to his father and ask his help in trying to change your daughters mind again , maybe a talk with his father in how he loves baby girls or having him playing with a girl more than a boy will make your daughter understand he will love her no matter what , and maybe both of you should try to talk with her about how she should respect you and love you because you love her

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